The Good, the Bad and the Ugly...

I want to be a better man with each step I take in this life.  Of course, I'm often times distracted by different things and people.  But by far my biggest distraction are my own desires.  I really want to know and learn about an open heart and the role that our hearts play in our lives.  I truly want to grasp what it means to be open, authentic and vulnerable.  The one thing that has remained constant in my search is that it always changes.  My perspective on the topics change and once again I'm faced with reexamining portions of my discoveries.  Here's a few things that I see today.

The Good...

I have found that if I live an authentic and vulnerable life I will have more joy and happiness.  I have come into a place that being open hearted has allowed such beauty into my life.  Frankly, there are times that I can't even understand or process some of the joy and beauty that I see.  I see it in others as well.  Those few who live a life open and loving toward others and themselves.  I sincerely believe that living a life that reflects our hearts, being authentic and vulnerable, brings the greatest level of joy and happiness that we can have in our short lives.

The Bad...

As I live a life that reflects my heart I allow the beauty in me to flow out to others.  There's also the not so beautiful parts of me that flows out.  The ugly damaged parts of my life, my fear, my doubt and my selfishness also flows.  I don't think I can control the bad without affecting the good.  If I try and filter what flows from me than I end up filtering the good with the bad.  I don't think we can have an honest life if we're always trying to control what flows from our heart.  What you see is what you get.  With my good, there's also my bad.  I'm afraid sometimes, I want control sometimes, I doubt sometimes.  There are things that lie in the depths of my heart that aren't beautiful and those who know my heart see those imperfections.  My flaws, and yours, are part of who we are and having the courage to allow the world around us to see all of us is in my eyes profoundly beautiful.

The Ugly...

The ugly truth is, the more we allow others to see our true selves the more they will reject, criticize and judge us for our flaws and failures.  That's just the way it is and there's no getting around it.  We may be praised one minute and condemned the next.  Frankly, I've struggled with this ugly truth.  I think most of us seek guarantees and assurances in life, especially in relationships.  When we see the beauty in another, we can't imagine that there's also darkness.  But there is and it's in us all. 

In my mind, I sometimes see a world where we look at others and have compassion for those people who are flawed, yes, that's everyone.  We see the beauty in everyone around us and not only accept their imperfections, but embrace them.

The Beautiful...

We may know this; God see's all of us.  All of our hearts, every single beautiful and dark place in us.  Nothing remains hidden.  We may know this, but we don't believe it.  Not really.  If we did truly believe this we would all follow a different path and see the world in a new light.   In spite of my heart there's a place in the heart of God that only I can fill.  His love for me isn't based on His emotions or my politically correct actions or words, but instead simply on who I am.  His love for you is the same.

I think God wants us to live a life that is authentic and open.  I think He wants us to live a life that reflects our hearts and I think above all else He wants us to be free.  I feel that freedom more and more in my life, yet I struggle for the words to capture it.

Love, Courage, Kindness and Compassion


"Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit.  Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness..."  Galatians 5:16  

"As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart."  Proverbs 27:19

A Lions roar...

Two dead in a weeks time. Two Gold Star kids, Alex Calahan age 13 and Destiny Stafford age 15, that I've shared part of this journey with have had their lives ended. I've struggled for the words to write on this page and I've struggled for the words to say to each of the families. What do we say to someone who's lost so much. You see, these families are not new to grief nor is this the first time they've seen death. Both families have had a father/husband die in service to our country. So what can I say to them now? How can the grief that is now their's be eased by my words?  

I could write something beautiful about each of their lives.  The kindness that I saw from a boy in Texas and the smiles and beauty I saw in a girl in North Carolina.  I could write about what their fathers did and how they died.  Yet I want to write about the next chapter.  I want to write about what comes next in the lives of these two young people and in our lives.

This very moment we have great power, some of us know it's there, yet we fear using it.  We have the power to change lives.  We can choose to heal wounds, help someone in some way, build someone and touch a life.  We can also choose to cause harm, sharpened spears aimed at the heart of another, to destroy and to kill.  We have this power you see, each of us have this power inside of us.  

Most of us choose to sit on the sidelines of the world around us.  Doing the basics needed to survive and make it through another day.  We close our eyes to the war raging around us and simply take care of our own.  Yet regardless of where we were yesterday or the sins of complacency that we committed in our lives we have this day to make a difference and change our direction.

You see, we are Lions!  We are powerful beyond belief and we can change the world!  The moments don't come often for most of us and most of the time we have to seek them out.  The moments we have to touch someone's life and make a difference in the world around us.  A moment to roar like lions...

We will be afraid, we will face those who want to stop us or change us into bitter hoards of self-seeking humans.  Yet if we can look deep into our hearts, summon the courage that is there and with the loudest of voices roar!      

These two young people touched lives while they were with us, yet even after death they are touching lives.  Alex is now a battle flag unfurled in a great war for the hearts of thousands.  His life and death is now being used to save lives in our battle against suicide.  Destiny's body was given to six other families that now have hope for life.  She will go on and change the world through new families.  Her heart still beats strong and her courage lives still.

It is our turn.  Our turn to take advantage of this moment.  Let us use these two amazing people as an inspiration and guide to reach out to the world around us, to touch a single life, and in doing so change the world forever.  Reach out in love, practice compassion, be courageous in our pursuits and be kind to the souls around us.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”  Marianne Williamson

"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Howard Thurman

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." Mark Twain

Love, Grief and all that stuff… (Part 3)

I looked deep into her eyes and into the depths of her soul. She was radiant, beautiful and I was totally taken by what I saw. This woman in a brilliant flash shared her soul with me and I was taken! She was indeed beautiful. I'm not referring to her body or the clothes she wore, it was her heart and soul...It was who she is at the core.

Every woman has something beautiful about them and every woman has in the depths of her heart questions that they've struggled to answer. Women are the healers of the world, the comforters and the givers. A woman once she gives birth has "a piece of her heart walking around outside of her." She can use acceptance in church, work and family in her life to hide from her questions. She can try and control her life, make it what she believes will bury these questions. But her question still remains. Every woman wants to know if she's beautiful, if she's alluring and if she is lovely.

Her wounds are deep and continue to grow deeper and wider through adulthood. Many women had absent/abusive fathers or men in their lives that answered the question and the answer they heard was "no", "there is nothing lovely about you." Wounds continue with there husbands, children and others as they either dominate and control or become a desolate woman who's needy and lost her sense of self.

As a kid my father answered my own questions. I have wondered if I was good enough, if I was man enough or strong enough. I think most men also ask these same questions. In the absence of the the answers or when the answer is a "no" we turn to proving ourselves, wearing masks, pretending and posing. We are by far the biggest group of fakers of the sexes and we hide almost our entire lives.

"No man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildard as to which may be the truth." Nathaniel Hawthorne

In the absence of my fathers validation and answers I turned to the women in my life. At some point in almost every romantic relationship I turned to them to validate or answer those questions and almost every man has done the same. She can no more answer the question than my dog Jake, yet here I am asking her to. Am I enough, do I have what it takes?

We look to each other for validation. I look to a woman to not only love me, share with me but also to validate me as a man. I look to her for my greatest question, the question that was answered in such a powerful and piercing way. I ask for validation. She too looks to me for validation. The woman with the broken heart, the woman who long ago was had her own question answered. She looks to me and asks.

One of a woman's greatest fears is being left alone or abandoned. This is so engrained by the time a woman is an adult that if they actually find someone that will stick with them they simply don't trust it. Often times pushing away those who are willing to stay or stand by them. A self fulfilling prophecy. I think most women are in their heart filled will loneliness.

Why are so many men refusing to engage? Why are we stuck in a place of anger, lust and fear? Why can't we dive deeper into the hearts of the women we love? Why can't we be more honorable and valiant? Seems most men live their lives in quiet desperation and the women in our lives have come to a place of acceptance of this. We lack the adventure and passion for life that once swelled our soul. We lack the courage to face questions long left unanswered and the willingness to confront the depths of the women we love.

I'll be honest, the depths of a woman's heart is beyond my ability to understand fully. In it is a vast amount of pain, suffering and anguish. There is also great love and kindness. I've seen into the heart of a woman, deep into her heart and doing so can be dangerous. To go there means to face my own questions. It's also a place that I'm deeply afraid I will not be able to help her. What if I'm not good enough? What if I fail her? Does she believe in me? These are things that are hard for a woman to understand and very hard for a man to face.

Loving Better

I started with a question, how do I love better? Each time I came close to an answer or closer to understanding it would change and see something new. Any of us can pick up a book about how to build a better relationship and include things like communication, quality time and so on. Yet there are much deeper questions that we all have and these questions are at the center of our being.

I think the first step in loving better is to look at our own hearts. To reach deep and discover our own damage and our own scars. To find the courage to face the things that scare us to death. We must be willing to reach deep into our wounds and find healing. And we can not do this without being real, authentic and vulnerable.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best , night and day , to make you everybody but yourself - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight- and never stop fighting.” E.E. Cummings

We must also be willing to accompany our mates into those places and accept them. Have the courage to really listen to her as she exposes her beautiful, radiant and messy soul. Stand next to him as he lets down his masks and allows you to see that he is very much afraid, and offer him love and healing. A woman has the ability to do something that men just aren't very good at, they can help heal a mans heart. In a relationship, we are meant to speak to the others wounds. We offer the other our joy, happiness, beauty and strength.

We also need to stop holding on to the past. That includes past expectations, past lovers, past hopes and dreams. We need to be in the present, in the moment. Stop looking at the joys of a past relationship, comparing ourselves to their past loves and comparing our mates/relationship to the highlight reels on Facebook. Comparisons rob us of happiness today. We also need to stop judging them and start accepting them. Judgment does four things, we lose fellowship with God, exposes pride and insecurity, harms relationships, and invites God to judge us by our own standards. "A critical spirit is a costly vise." Our judgement reflects our own insecurity and pain.

In a relationship we have the opportunity to find at least part of the answers we've been asking all our lives. Yet there is truly only one place we can find those answers. It is from God. It is only in growing our understanding of his love for us and understanding that it was He that was meant to fill those places in us. It is in He that we can find the answers. We truly cannot know the depths of a romantic love and truly know joy in our lives without an intimate relationship with God.

We always believe that we aren't ready for a romantic relationship. We will never be healed enough or know enough, but that's part of it. It isn't in perfection, but in the willingness to strive forward and grow that we should look. Love is certainly a beautiful "action" and we should enjoy it while we have someone in our lives. The grief we have after love ends is the price we pay for love and as terrible as it can be, it was well worth the pain.

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt

Love, courage, kindness and compassion

http://www.powerofpositivity.com/9-signs-time-let-go-relationship/

Five Years...

It’s been five years today since Kim Hunter ended her life. It doesn’t seem possible for that much time to pass without hearing about her new success or her crazy adventures. I can remember each anniversary and there isn’t a day that passes that I don’t remember something about my sister.

I wish you could share in my shock over some of the crazy stuff that girl did as a teen. Even thou our mom would disagree, she was a total nightmare! As the years passed, she found her niche and her place in the world or at least from what everyone could tell. It was a combination of things that filled her life with passion and purpose. She loved getting outside and doing things. Which was anything from running, kayaking, the dreaded triathlons and over course making a difference in the lives of others.

 She’s missed by many and her personal impact is still seen in lives around us. Yet in all the wonderful things she did during her life, it was her death that had the greatest impact. I believe her story of life, of death and the struggles of those who loved her have touched many lives outside of their own, which in my view is simply beautiful. To not only inspire and touch others, but to do so in a way that will carry forward to even more people.

 We will all face grief and death. We will all face tragedies that will rock the foundations of our lives. It will be up to each of us to decide what to do with what has happened. We have a story to share, scars to show and lives to touch. We have an opportunity each day to change the world and we can do so one heart at a time.

 Semper Fi Chief Hunter

 Love, kindness and compassion

The Abyss of my Soul…

I wake and find my way into the bathroom, looking into the mirror to discover this man before me.  The effects of my latest drug has started fading and I start wondering where I’ll get my next fix.  I know I must use, to be a slave to its effects and how it keeps the strong pull in my heart at bay.  My drugs filling this void inside me when I can find enough.  I’m sure I’ll get the right combination, the right dosage and something that others will find acceptable.  I think to myself; ‘I can control it this time, this time it will be different I’m sure.’  My latest drug is a safe alternative to what I’ve used in the past, many others are using it and their happiness abounds it seems.  ‘This time will be different…I’m sure.’

I heard the calling of my heart, felt the passion and desire to fill the void which lies deep inside me from an early age.  I filled that call or passion with different things throughout my life, I’ve tried experimenting with so many and each of them seemed to fill me if just for a moment.  Most people look at me as someone who has an adventuress spirit and it guess that’s true in many ways.  I’ve felt the strong urges to find something or someone to fill this abyss of my soul.  It’s uncontrollable to me, I can’t fight it or even struggle against it.  No matter how hard I’ve tried, I cannot give up my usage.

No matter how you look at the world there is only one kind of person, just one.  We are more alike than different and we all feel the pull to fill our soul, a powerful desire to find something to quench this thirst inside us.  What is this desire that continues to find a way into our lives, into our thoughts and into even the most powerful of emotions?  What are these things we use to fill this desire?  Most importantly why is it there?

“It is the nature of desire not to be satisfied, and most human beings live for the gratification of it.”  Aristotle

The drugs we use to fill our void, our abyss are familiar to us and they go by different names such as;  gods, addiction, idols and even religion, they are used like an addict might use heroin and the addiction is even stronger.  The gods that we worship are in fact at times so acceptable that we don’t even notice that they are indeed being used to fill a void inside of us.  We use:  Exercise, eating, sex, dating or the thrill of being pursued, affairs, drugs, relationships, toys and possessions, work and the list is endless.  We even use the virtues and laws of religion to fill this call inside of us, buried deep into following what we perceive to be the carefully laid out path of being a good follower.  For myself, I’ve used the routines of Christianity to help satisfy the call.  I’ve read God’s word, gone to church, volunteered and prayed.   

There are also those that decide to ignore this call, to pretend that the abyss inside us simply doesn't exist.  We lack a passion and muddle through our lives in the endless routine that brings us our false security.  Our damaged and scared hearts only seem to re-enforce the idea that we should ignore this call.  We may find ourselves living out small specks of another story, a much smaller story inside our own minds.  Living a life of fantasy in pornography, social drama or believing we have the perfect family or life.  Choosing instead of searching for that something to bridge the gap or fill our abyss, to live a life of fantasy and deception.  Our fruitless attempts always end the same way, in our closely guarded and maintained deception coming down around us at some point.  We blame, we curse and we are sure that if we simply believe or pray hard enough our deception will stand next time.  And once again consume our lives with discipline and duty.  In our closed and guarded hearts, behind the walls built firmly to keep all peering eyes out lies a spirit that has long lost its life and true love and kindness are replaced with pride, fear and indifference.  It is our great fear that holds us at bay, daring not to travel beyond the boundaries of our own deception.  We choose the path that is well lit and populated with familiar faces and companions such as hate, pride, anger, shame, indifference, guilt and lust.  Behind our walls we entertain these companions and give no notice to the death of our passion and calls that we once heard.    

We also have years of damage from various people that lead us toward ignoring or giving into addiction.  For me, it started with my fathers abuse and abandonment.  This lead to feelings of inadequacy and rejection that have left a path of destruction in someway through my life.  I never had a positive male role model, never had that man to teach me to be a father, husband and godly man.  On to words that struck deep from others, actions that wounded and failures of my own making.  All are used by God's enemy, Satan, to re-enforce the idea that we should stay close to our addictions.  We have the false belief that if we have control, if we can simply maintain control that life will be better.

“The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught.”  Isaiah 29:13

Regardless of what we choose to do in response to this call or passion, it’s clear that we can’t see it for what it truly is and instead look at it with both fear and misunderstanding.  This is one road that we can choose to take.  One direction for our hearts, to fill this desire with people and/or things or we can choose to try to ignore it in some way.  There is a second road that we can choose to travel.  A path that is much less followed and comes with fewer guide posts, no known guarantees and what we see as danger just beyond the undergrowth.  If we allow ourselves to really listen to the beckoning call that resonates within us, to understand that it comes from this other road we are filled with a fear of the unknown.  Few speak about this road, in church we hear about it at times, but fail to understand fully what the words refer.  

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

I look back one more time at those familiar companions calling so fiercely for my return.  The desire for the known calling deep in my own heart.  Fear grows as I consider the unknown and traveling this road without my familiar gods.  My ears sharpen and my attention is drawn away from what I've known all my life to a voice beyond.  Looking down at the ground in front of me I muster what courage is left.  Lifting my foot and looking beyond I step off down this road.

The call that we hear, that all of us hear, is God.  From the time in the garden he has desired an intimate relationship with us.  He delights in us, loves us with such a passion and desire that we can't even begin to understand.  We were created in his image and made for him.  He has since our creation desired a closeness with us that can only be found through this road.  The abyss is our own desire to be one with God, a burning desire to be close to the Creator.  We spend our lives ignoring, trying to kill or trying to fill this abyss with intimate relationships and sex, finding they bring us closest to filling this abyss.  We dare not trust him as he reassure our fearful souls.  Our trust and devotion remain with the known even when we understand who is calling us. At least traveling the other path we can control which companion we travel with and how we travel. Control often times comes from fear and it is this fear that keeps us from traveling the path of intimacy with God.

I have had many gods or addictions but by far my favorite drug is service.  I am without a doubt addicted to helping and serving others and to the affirmation that comes with service. God calls me, I become a Christian, he urges me into an intimate relationship with him, on to taking away my addictions.  I am left standing there watching my life love, my addiction, slowly slipping out of my grasp.  It is only now, after listening to those closest to me that I understand.  Only through prayer, reading and journaling do I finally see.  The call, the addiction and the passion that rages in my soul was put there by God and it was a desire that can only be filled by God.  It is a desire to be close to him and it is a desire that we all have.    

Today, I stand as a shinning example of an imperfect man.  With countless mistakes and failures behind me I look forward to a life that is much different than the one I've lead up till now.  I see that my validation comes from my Father, I surrender my control over to Christ and I listen as closely as possible to the words of the Spirit.  I've never been known for someone who takes even the best of advise and have instead chosen to fall on my face and learn the hard way.  With that in mind, on a daily basis I make mistakes, I fail, I fall and I always will.  It does bring a comfort that I've never known in turning to God, in following the other road.  I still find myself fearing things, I still crave my past addictions at times.  Yet, there's something beyond my ability to describe that gives me comfort and a feeling of safety, love and security that has never been mine.  

It is my prayer that these words cause you to stop what you're doing.  To find a quiet place to pray and reflect.  Look at your own life, search for what God really wants for you.  It's easy to hide behind devotion to church, kids or marriage.  It's easy to ignore the call and it's easy to believe the lessons learned from past mistakes or damage.  God is love, Christ is the embodiment of that love.  The love he has for us is simply beyond our understanding and he calls us to an intimate relationship, he calls our heart.  Let us let go of the lessons learned from years of damage, breakups, deaths, broken trust and heartbreaks and accept something more beautiful and brilliant.  Look closely at the two roads and listen closely for the call.

Love, Kindness and Compassion

Three books to read:  

The Sacred Romance, Drawing closer to the Heart of God

Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave: Finding Hope in the Power of the Gospel

When people are big and God is small

 

Finding Beauty...

I remember a time not very long ago when the world was a dark and lonely place.  I viewed it in such a way that there was evil and darkness at every turn and the people around me were looking out for themselves, looking out for number one.  It's interesting how often times we are taught at an early age to be afraid of others and to look out for ourselves.  We are hurt again and again by different people in our lives, I know I've struggled with being hurt and with hurting others.  How am I to learn to trust people if they keep failing me, abandoning me or causing such pain?  Childhood, and it doesn't end there!

Four and a half years ago my sisters death shook my life and had recently dealt with a friend of mine who had contacted me the night of his suicide.  These events were  hard to understand and hard to process.  They also reinforced what I already knew, the world was an ugly place and was filled with suffering.  It hit me one day in December of 2010, I remember it so well because in many ways it was a turning point in my life, in the way I looked at the world.  I had long ago given up on people, seeing them simply as cruel and hurtful souls, damaged themselves and living a life that simply looked out for number one.  

The world we see is a reflection of what we have in our hearts.  Wow... It hit me that December day, how I saw the world was indeed a reflection of the pain and suffering I had in my own heart.  I really can't say that enough, how we see the people and events in our lives so often times reflect our own pain.  So what was in my heart that caused me to see the world as such a dark place?  I dove deep into understanding myself and why the world was such a dark place.  I started listening to others, seeing their pain, their suffering, understanding my own pain better.  Finding away to change my feelings:  sadness, abandonment, malice, frustration, and any negative feelings that I had, I focused on and struggled to understand where they came from.  Those feelings run deep inside us, embedded, lessons learned early in age and only re-enforced through the years.  I've seen it, seen it in myself and others.  I've reacted to something, cut off my compassion and love to react in a protective way.  They are out to hurt me, to abandon me, to take from me and to destroy my tender heart.  All I had learned many years ago.  So how do I relearn, what I had learned?

I don't have the answers to that question for others, I'm not even sure of how I came to a point where I see my days as beautiful.  I'm sure that even in my days of rejecting God, he was working in my life.  He just wouldn't give up on me.  Looking back I can see a carefully laid out path that couldn't have been anything less than God's hand in my life.  It's difficult sometimes to see the beauty, yesterday I struggled with the idea that someone had malice intent toward me.  From my perspective they wanted to see me hurt.  Yet what I didn't see was where those feelings I was having were coming from.  Why did I feel that way?  What were they feeling or what did they believe that caused them to strike out toward me in a way that caused me pain?  That puts the ball back in my court.  I took offence to someone else's actions and had to decide to reach out in a compassionate and loving way or to be offended and angry.  Compassion is love in action, compassion is a willingness to not only feel for another, but to take action or in my case, to simply be still.

There's beauty in walking the snow covered trails of the Appalachian mountains.  Beauty in watching the sun rise over the Atlantic ocean from my kayak.  I remember rising to the surface of a dive in the East China sea just before the sun set, the dive was absolutely the best ever and we sat there silent as the sun sank below the water.  That was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life, until I started seeing something even more beautiful.  The single most beautiful thing I have ever seen was seen this year for the very first time.  It was finally understanding God's love for me, finally diving deep into his heart and allowing him into mine.  Letting down my walls to the One who wants me closest and wants the very best for me. The most beauty in this world is growing in understanding for God's love for us.

The second most beautiful thing, is you.  It is in seeing the human heart, growing closer to another person, seeing them for who they are and not what we hope to gain from them.  It is in seeing my sons rise all sleepy headed and asking me what's for breakfast.  My sons are different in many ways, and they are both so very much beautiful.  Seeing the heart of a love, sitting there as dreams and hopes are shared, as fears are explored and as a hopeful desire for better things radiate from them.  Standing in line at the grocery store as a child shares with his parent about the excitement of an upcoming event.  Watching as the person in front of me raises their hands in worship of God for the first time.  Having a child wrap their arms around me with no words to be found, only the love from their heart and a desire for comfort.  It is in seeing how contagions a smile is while walking the isles of the local Food Lion.  It is in seeing someone free of the constraints of past prejudice and their eyes open to a new world.

Beauty is all around us, everywhere and in everyone.  Even in the darkest of times and places, there is a fragrant and beautiful flower that we can choose to focus on.  It is in deciding to live a life of love, kindness and compassion, even if we were taught otherwise.  We have such a short time to live, to give, to love and to make a difference in this world.  I hope that today, you will see beauty, that you will find a reason to infect your school, home or workplace with a smile.

Love, Kindness and Compassion

My precious gift...

There was a time in my life that I lost my drive, I lost my desire to enjoy life, I lost my passion. There were few things that I enjoyed and I was in a place that continued to grow dark and damp.  My passion for life had faded away under the weight of everyday life and dreams that failed to come true. How easy it was to wake one day and not recognize the man before me.  The years thundered by and I found myself lost and in an unfamiliar place.  Where did the young man filled with life go?  Where was the adventurer who climbed mountains and traveled counties just to experience the random moments of life?  Where did my passion go?

I found my passion after some soul searching and found myself once again in a place with limited security, no backup plan and so filled with excitement that I could hardly stop smiling.  I started volunteering and giving to others through several different organizations, I started finding those back country trails that were seldom used.  I found a joy for life that I had never known.  Happiness that was hardly ever lost and seldom a time it wasn't present.  I found myself with an open heart.

It was in my heart that I started discovering the joy of life and that joy came mostly from relationships with beautiful people that I surrounded myself with.  I found that having an open heart and a passion for life was something that brought about a joy that I had never imagined or believed possible.  My open heart didn't come without strings and those strings were attached to words like; betrayal, deception, unkindness, and hurt.  I found that having an open heart and a passion for life had both rewards and costs, yet for me it was full steam ahead.  I wouldn't be held back by the threat of harm and I wouldn't give up the passion of love for the sake of being safe behind walls of the heart.  I found that these walls were almost universal in people of all walks of life.  Walls built to protect the occupant from the hurt that came from human interaction.

I wasn't alone in my adventure of the heart, there were others that both lead a life of openness and even taught others how to be open hearted.  I remember listening to someone once;  Keep an open heart, but carry a shield.  I wondered and pondered those words and came up with my own saying; Keep an open heart and use the shield as a sled.  So that's how I lived my life, I was fearless.  I lived a fearless life with an open heart.  I listened to the soft sound of my heart and I was lead by it.  I was filled with a passion for life and I sucked the marrow out of each day.  What a beautiful way to live.  I would watch the lives of those guarded souls and wonder.  I wasn't above them, I wanted them to join me!

I was happy to find that Christ also asks for an open heart.  He came to free us from the confines of this world and asks us to move out of our carefully constructed and heavily fortified forts that we use to protect our hearts from damage.  Regardless of the reason we move out of our protective places, we can still be certain of harm and hurt.

Matters of the heart are certainly confusing at times.  I have trusted others, letting them in to my world and shared my most intimate places.  My most valuable asset, my heart and the love that comes with it.  I have to say, there's no hurt like the hurt that can come from someone who is in our most intimate place.  It's like having my heart in the hands of another and being dependent on their kindness, compassion and love, hoping that they don't hurt that precious gift.  That's what our hearts are, precious gifts given freely to others in the hope of something greater and more beautiful.

Yet we are only human and regardless if we intend to hurt or not, we are sure to hurt others and they are sure to hurt us.  The deeper I let someone in, the deeper and more tragic the damage that comes from a harmful act or words spoken.  The saying is true, we hurt the ones we love most.  And we do so because they've let us into their most protected of places, they've allowed us to hold their most precious gift.  Once hurt we want to retreat to our protective places, our walls, our place of safety and comfort.  What we don't see and often times overlook is the opportunity for an even greater depth and an even greater reward in such times.  This is when courage is most needed and it's when I can say that I've struggled.  To find refuge behind a wall or do I boldly stand my ground opening my heart to more damage.

That's the big question for me;  Do I stand openly knowing that hurt will come, knowing that the next blow may bring me to my knees, willing to take the risks of love?  Will I?  Should I?  Would you? For me, the answer is yes!  Yes I will stand there with my open heart.  I will never retreat to the false security of those walls again.  I was once a prisoner behind my own walls, dismal and damp, dark and cold defined my fortress of solitude.  I will never return.  It is from my vulnerability that I found my greatest joy and it is a place that I will continue to nurture.  My passion for life, my love of others, my joy in Christ all come from my openness they all come from my heart.  For me, kindness, compassion and love flow from Christ to an open heart and with that, there's no way I can close it once it's been opened.  Love is the greatest value in all the world and the fruits of love are kindness, patience, compassion, truth, and obedience to God.

Love, kindness and compassion