I've dated for several reasons since my separation. I've dated for sex, we were both hurting as it ended, which left some level of baggage and nothing good came of it. I've dated because I've seen good in someone, which isn't a good enough reason. There's good in almost everyone and good isn't great. God's plan is great. I've dated because someone was fun to be around. I've dated for a combination of these reasons and more, yet fact is while I was dating for these reasons I was missing out on God's great.
Even though I've broke both of these rules in the past they are firm deal breakers in my future. Never date someone who's not a Christian. I'm not simply saying someone who doesn’t believe there's a God, but someone who doesn’t live a life reflective of the fruit of the Spirit. Never date someone who's separated. For one, they're still married and for another they have so much to work through with the dissolve of their marriage that they'll have little left to give to a new relationship.
What I am looking for:
-Someone who submits to Christ. Her relationship with Christ comes first in her life and that faithfulness will touch every aspect of her life, from her friends and family to her coworkers.
-Someone who has a heart of compassion. Is she willing to be understanding, can she be sympathetic for someone's struggles and does she have grace.
-Someone who's willing to grow, learn and be more. Can she learn from her mistakes, from others and from me?
-Someone who's confident. She has an inter assurance of who she is and why she’s here. A sense of purpose that can only point to Christ. She will have her own mind, idea's, goals and dreams.
-Someone willing to wait till marriage to have sex. It's biblical, it's God's plan and sex before marriage simply damages the relationship in someway.
-Someone willing to commit to having sex after marriage. God intended sex to be a beautiful event in the life of a couple. I can't wait to experience physical and emotional intimacy with my wife and have God's blessing.
-Someone who volunteers or works in a profession that allows her to make a difference in the lives of others. "You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving." Christ loved us and commanded us to love others. She will make that love a priority in her life. Touching others is a reflection of our hearts. It shows compassion, it shows courage and it shows confidence.
-Someone who's accepting, yet courageous enough to challenge others to grow. Not someone who ties their affection or love to performance.
-Someone who has a sense of humor. Can she laugh at the rough and challenging parts of life? Will she laugh with me in the big and small events? Someone willing to at least laugh at some of my jokes.
-Someone who is willing to face their own sin and mistakes. They're willing to not only admit to mistakes, but willing to be specific. If they're not specific in their sin and how that sin impacted others, they will not be willing to do so for you. This is vital if a relationship is to be successful.
How can I expect a Christian relationship if I'm not willing to live a Christian life? Am I willing to be the man that will attract this woman? I'm not looking for perfect, perfectly imperfect is more like it. Fresh from the battle lines, scared and at times bloody. Mistakes and messes in her past, yet with courage she presses forward. Like me, she will be willing to see a damaged heart, she Christ's hand in my life and reach out for me.
Proverbs 31
Love, compassion and courage
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